I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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