There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
