The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
