you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
