if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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