Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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