Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
