stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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