Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
