Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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