Sponge bath it is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
