Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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