You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
