I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize