i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
