fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
