You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
