Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
