Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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