i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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