Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
