We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
