This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
