There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.