K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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