She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.