so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
