My liver just broke up with me...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care