I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend