i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.