All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.