so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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