i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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