Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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