Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  We won't sleep together?

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  (212): We won't sleep together? http://tfl.nu/ebgb
  Replies (3) Good night (1017) Bad night (1912)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You up for the gym tonight after work?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Chris Brown style, or less felonious?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Haha, all felonious.

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  (248) You up for the gym tonight after work? (734): I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog. (248): Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today. (734): Chris Brown style, or less felonious? (248): Haha, all felonious. http://tfl.nu/kj7p
  Replies (5) Good night (1508) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.

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  (845): Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian. http://tfl.nu/smlz
  Replies (24) Good night (2703) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

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  (618): It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days. http://tfl.nu/kqbj
  Replies (9) Good night (1459) Bad night (3210)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.

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  (318): Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated. http://tfl.nu/sxgj
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (2438)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."

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  (720): He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples." http://tfl.nu/rub1
  Replies (8) Good night (4567) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?

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  (646): why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night? http://tfl.nu/e1cc
  Replies (9) Good night (1507) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.

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  (843): The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year. http://tfl.nu/r78b
  Replies (6) Good night (1481) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."

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  (215): What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller." http://tfl.nu/x4em
  Replies (21) Good night (2900) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.

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  (206): i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment. http://tfl.nu/5sgm
  Replies (2) Good night (1609) Bad night (1144)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again

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  (563): dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again http://tfl.nu/9093
  Replies (1) Good night (861) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...

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  (313): Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door... http://tfl.nu/qt3a
  Replies (19) Good night (683) Bad night (1941)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival

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  (504): Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird (504): Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival http://tfl.nu/ifc7
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me

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  (727): On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired (727): I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me http://tfl.nu/zcpy
  Replies (6) Good night (1049) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.

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  (206): I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cdkq
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (284)

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