I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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