Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i now understand why vodka
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision