It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?