There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"