I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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