thus making me awesome and them whores
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much