I think I died a long time ago.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.