you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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