Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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