there's paper in my vomit.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
