Banned from zoo.
Again?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize