There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
