Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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