Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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