I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
