If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
