We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
