Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
