the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
