Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
