bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
