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• (765): View more from Indiana

  It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?

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• (619): View more from California

  you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".

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• (432): View more from Texas

  My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.

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