I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
