You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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