she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want a musical about memes.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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