You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
