Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
