I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
