i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize