I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A+ Viking dick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
