There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
