At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
