Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
