So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
