So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
