Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
