Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
