Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
