So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
