Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
