At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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