Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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