there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
