why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
