two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Someone came in the potted fern
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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