Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
