didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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