grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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