i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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