using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
