So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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