I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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